shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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