Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
