just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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