why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
