Do you still have your period?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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