We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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