Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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