I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
