I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
