like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
