I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
