I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize