margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I AM VODKA MAN
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
