is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
