9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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