this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
