Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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