i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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