woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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