Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
