Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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