Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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