So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
