i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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