why didn't you poke me back
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
