Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
