the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
