So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just invented taco cereal.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
