Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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