The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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