OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
