so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
