just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
