Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
