just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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