very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
