life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So vagazzling was a success
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
