My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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