I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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