Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
