u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
