Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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