You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
