How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
