So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
