Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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