hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
