why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
