I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
