you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
