Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
