You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
