The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
