the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
