I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
