his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
