the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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