White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
