did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
