Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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