my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
