i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's like iHOP with fire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
