never play flip cup with pint glasses
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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