Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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