it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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