I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize