I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
