Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
