i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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