I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
