I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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