Plan B is the new Plan A
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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