thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
