Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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