Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
