really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
