someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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