I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
